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stage iv breast cancer – bringing out the best and the worst of me

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Honest statement of the day

February 11, 2016February 18, 2016 ~ Molly Kochan O

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Posted in breast cancer, honest statement of the day, stage IV breast cancer breast cancer breastcancer cancer metastasis mets stage IV breast cancer stage IV cancer stagefour stagefourbreastcancer stagefourcancer

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Dying4Sex

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This was a post I worked up last week after I yelled at a woman for talking loudly on her cell phone in a hospital waiting room. She made call after call about her landlady business and eventually I said “lady!” “I’m sorry,” she said, “I got to work.” I said, “yeah but no one wants to hear your business.” Right before I called her self important. The point of this story is that sometimes acting out sideways feels good. Sure she deserved a little of what she got by nature of being rude. But I could have easily put on headphones and ignored her. Instead I chose to funnel my frustration about being out of control of this disease into a situation where I felt out of control about a stranger’s behavior. Not the best of me perhaps but satisfying just the same. It’s ok to be human and to be flawed and one day I might regret that reaction. But if I never do, I’m ok with that too. On a separate note, heading into surgery today so it’s likely I will be taking a small break from posting. ♥️ #cancer #doublemastectomy #breastcancer #sexandillness #stageiv #stageivcancer #stageivbreastcancer #sexyselfie #instacancer #sexandcancer #fuckcancer #screwcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #dying4sex #death @romwe_fashion

So any plans I make tend to go out the window. Dinner plans, concert plans, never mind travel plans. The only points on my schedule that stick are doctors’ appointments. Today I’m going to reframe this and say I get to live for the moment. In the moment. And I’ll find out what I’m doing when the next moment comes along. Without illness this is fairly liberating. Also, please note, I am super grateful for all of your comments and will respond when I’m less depleted. ♥️ #cancer #doublemastectomy #breastcancer #sexandillness #stageiv #stageivcancer #stageivbreastcancer #sexyselfie #instacancer #sexandcancer #fuckcancer #screwcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #dying4sex #death

Yes I’m here again. Same issues as before. Inability to eat. Got a fancy feeding tube up the nose which feels like someone set fire to my nostril. But at least the staff is caring and my view is nice. At night, there’s some kind of rotating color light that splashes against the ceiling. I imagine I’m in a cozy pod in Japan. Or in some futuristic movie where cancer doesn’t exist. #cancer #doublemastectomy #breastcancer #sexandillness #stageiv #stageivcancer #stageivbreastcancer #sexyselfie #instacancer #sexandcancer #fuckcancer #screwcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #dying4sex #death

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Articles I’ve been featured in

Hollywood Holler: This Cancer Thriver Walked The Runway At NYFW, Going From Model To Role Model
Elle Magazine: Every Model in This Fashion Show Is Living With Breast Cancer
Hutch News: Keeping cancer a secret by Bill Briggs
CBS News: Private struggle: Why some with breast cancer keep it to themselves by Mary Brophy Marcus

Some other posts

For crying out loud, don't call me a warrior
Making my mark before I die
Single with stage IV
Why my life goal list doesn't include beating cancer
I don't want to write about Cancer
Honest statement of the day
The comfort of now
We're all headed to the same place
My stage IV life
I HAVE DIED.

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