I always thought that when someone got hit with a terminal illness or had a near death experience, they were catapulted into another gear. The epiphany was “life is short” so they’ll go after their passions with every fiber of their beings to make a mark.
So far this has not been my experience. I am tired rather than driven. The physical fatigue makes sense, sure, but I actually feel blocked from identifying my passion. Blocked from tapping into a life force energy that is always there for anyone to access.
This has brought me to the realization that somehow I equate achievement of life purpose, completion of life goal with completion of life. And I am not ready to die. Admittedly, this is a highly flawed belief pattern and assumes a singular life goal, ignoring the journey all together. So while I’m busy avoiding my passions (and death to some degree), I don’t get to revel in the moments that actually make up the life I choose to live.
Therefore I am writing this blog. To ward of moments of stagnation. To share things like this that plague me with the hope that getting them out of my head will allow me to move on from this loop that only ails my search for meaning…