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stage iv breast cancer – bringing out the best and the worst of me

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Honest statement of the day

Image ~ November 19, 2016 ~ Molly Kochan O

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Posted in breast cancer, honest statement of the day, stage IV breast cancer breast cancer breastcancer cancer metastasis mets stage IV breast cancer stage IV cancer stagefour stagefourbreastcancer stagefourcancer

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Dying4Sex

A multi-platform project that addresses sex and illness

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I initially joined the group to get a sense for how people grieve. I was hoping to get insight into what would be helpful for my loved ones once I go. The “sorry for your loss” blanket statements always felt empty to me and I wanted to touch the profundity of grief rather than the societal touch point. As I’ve been scrolling through posts in this group, I am not seeing cliches or encouragement to just get over it. I’m reading about real loss and seeing how people authentically connect through it. It’s helping me process my own loss of self. Of life. Of missed opportunity. And I am truly grateful. I admit I have yet to post anything to the page but maybe I should. #cancer #doublemastectomy #breastcancer #sexandillness #stageiv #stageivcancer #stageivbreastcancer #sexyselfie #instacancer #sexandcancer #fuckcancer #screwcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #dying4sex #death #grateful #gratitude @romwe_fashion

This is stage iv cancer. The treatment options look like this: standard option is we set fire to the whole train (chemo). This may slow it down or stop it. It probably won’t turn it around and park it in its original station. There is no guarantee this fire will do anything to the unruly nature of this train. What is guaranteed is that windows will be blown out, upholstery will be charred. We don’t know if any of those things will ever be comfortably replaced. Rest assured, if one brand of fire doesn’t work, there are several others we can try with as little guarantee as the first. Luckily now we have another option. We can wake the militia sleeping in the back car and have them wander through to see if they can find and kill the driver of this thing (immunotherapy). But again, no guarantee and, in fact, this militia could very well get so strong and unruly themselves that they shoot up the dining car or the boiler room. Never mind the other kinds of treatments, like the one that dries out the whole train until it cracks (endocrine therapy). What we know for sure is even if something works, your train will likely act up again and, at that point, we’ll have as few answers for you as we do today. #cancer #doublemastectomy #breastcancer #sexandillness #stageiv #stageivcancer #stageivbreastcancer #sexyselfie #instacancer #sexandcancer #fuckcancer #screwcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #dying4sex #death @romwe_fashion

The details to this post are beside the point. Suffice it to say, I found myself in a situation where I felt it necessary to disclose my health status to an angry neighbor because I am unable to do certain things around the property. I reached out with an apology and explanation, not looking for support and he completely ignored me. No “sorry you’re dealing with that”, thumbs up or even “sucks but I’m still mad.” While I don’t care what most people think of me, least of all a cranky neighbor, what is so distressing about this is that anyone can choose to ignore my illness. They can click away from it, not address it, not be reminded of it every second of every day. This is a luxury I don’t have. In the beginning of my diagnosis, I had blissful moments of denial that have disappeared. Now there’s a constant reminder of this thing dictating my days and of being so out of control. I’ll be fine and my neighbor’s reaction, or lack thereof, is just an indication of the limits he’ll have to face. I guess all of this to say, I’d give anything for even 5 more minutes of denial one day. Still hopeful maybe I’ll get that. #cancer #doublemastectomy #breastcancer #sexandillness #stageiv #stageivcancer #stageivbreastcancer #sexyselfie #instacancer #sexandcancer #fuckcancer #screwcancer #metastaticbreastcancer #dying4sex #death @romwe_fashion

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Articles I’ve been featured in

Hollywood Holler: This Cancer Thriver Walked The Runway At NYFW, Going From Model To Role Model
Elle Magazine: Every Model in This Fashion Show Is Living With Breast Cancer
Hutch News: Keeping cancer a secret by Bill Briggs
CBS News: Private struggle: Why some with breast cancer keep it to themselves by Mary Brophy Marcus

Some other posts

Making my mark before I die
Single with stage IV
For crying out loud, don't call me a warrior
We're all headed to the same place
I left my husband today
The Incomplete Healing Process of Stage IV Cancer
Honest statement of the day
My stage IV life
I don't want to write about Cancer
Why my life goal list doesn't include beating cancer

Honest Statements of the Day (Randomized)

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